Athlete's Foot(Ball)Times
HES North Wing Division
OSU Campus

Dateline: December 3, 1997. . .Vol.1, Iss. 17

Plunk’s Pack Plunders Gorillas

An error from vague score updates from the America Online NFL Scoreboard, perpetrated an almost unforgivable offense by allowing this Publication, just another great service brought to you by WarwickshireWest Publishing, not only to misprint the weekly statistics for the HES North Wing Division, but also to make this reporter print a retraction to the last article.

Coach Plunkett ends up on top with nine wins attributed to either his great coaching style or his ability to annoy the Commish until he corrects the stats. Who knows? Email Coach Plunkett the answer.

To prove that great minds think a like, Coach Muske commented, “In my mind, one who tries to fix the points to give the Commish a tie is a man who can do no wrong. . . Scott, be prepared for the wailing that will soon be following from Coach Wagner. I am sure he will not take this quietly.”

Coach Wagner later exclaimed, “I just think Coach Plunkett is nit-picking again. If you let him get out of control again, he might just sick Arlis on us.”

Speaking of Arlis, I heard he, Coach Wagner, and Coach Plunkett are collaborating to rally spirit for the Reddog Roughers. This reporter overheard Coach Plunkett saying something about the extra support that the Roughers were getting from the newly formed cheerleading squad.

It is rumored that Arlis and Coach Plunkett have turned down a couple of names that Coach of the Reddog Roughers originally came up with. One was said to have some reference to a female dog which might have turned in to a public relations nightmare with a couple of the female coaches in the league. After hours of intense thought on both sides, Coach Wagner announced the new arrival of the “Pom Pom Poodles.”

“I like the Pom Pom Poodles!” Exclaimed Coach Plunkett.

When asked what Coach Wagner thought about the qualifications to become a Pom Pom Poodle, he said, “We are seriously looking into making all applicants pass an IQ test. We were having a bit of difficulty with our Senior Pom Pom Poodles starting their nightly striptease performance during half time.”

“Speaking of humping the goal post,” commented one of the coaches that must spend a lot of time at the strip clubs, “I think that strip clubs are a great place to recruit football cheerleaders because the Goal post is bigger than the stage pole at night clubs. I think they could pass the test, no problem.”

If this little endeavor comes to pass and the officials let the Pom Pom Poodles anywhere near the endzone, it could give the Roughers just enough incentive to beat the Gorillas this weekend. It is possible that Coach Muske and Coach Wagner could play each other again in the first playoffs if their standings don’t change.

“I don’t think Coach Muske has enough bananas to entice his team to swing out of the slums.” Stated Coach Wagner.

Coach Muske Responded, “But the chance does exist. It is too bad you are going to loose 2 games in one weekend to the LOWLY Gorillas. Actually, I have played my whole season for just this moment. Too bad.”

With that last bit of conceit, this reporter is signing off until after Sunday. So far we have not heard from Glenn or Jennifer in who they want awards to go to. We are looking at Monday the 22nd to hold the party at maybe Glenn’s House. Is this okay? Who can’t make it? Respond ASAP! Good luck and let the Top Dog Win!