Athlete's Foot(Ball)Times
HES North Wing Division
OSU Campus

Dateline: December 4, 1997. . . AFT Vol. 1, Iss. 18

Unrest in the Ranks Over Unrespectful Quote

Unsuprising uneasiness by the majority of the male coaches in the HES North Wing Division have brought Roughers Lawyer, I.M. Suen, out of retirement to solve the mystery of the unnamed coach.

The last issue left Coach Muske and Coach Robertson with their mouths open with nothing to say as this AFT Reporter included a sexually oriented quote made by one of the coaches about the Reddog Roughers new and totally innocent chearleading squad, Pom Pom Poodles, Wednesday night.

Coach Robertson warned this reporter to check behind every door opened today.

Athlete's Foot Times and AFT Reporters do not respond to threats. They do report what is given to them and then only, possibly “Message” the quote to awaken their audience and make sure they are paying attention. However, we have yet to hear a single comment from either of the coaches of the Cheeseheads or the No-shows. It seems the Males were more offended by the comment than they were.

Instead of apologizing this publication is going to take this time to examine the quote more thoroughly over the next few issues to assist I.M. Suen, J.D. with his investigation to the identity of the “unnamed coach.” However, AFT Reporters will never directly divulge their source.

Lets begin with examining the attribution tag of the controversial Quote, “. . . commented one of the coaches that must spend a lot of time at the strip clubs.” Who could this be?

"It is a safe bet to rule out the two female coaches right now." Commented Mr. Suen.

However, as we reported earlier they have been the only ones that haven’t responded on what was said. They are either not on speaking terms with this reporter, afraid of being misquoted, or keeping a low profile so we don’t even look in their direction during the investigation.

“I don’t believe that first class women like Coach Johnson and Coach Jennifer would ever say anything as despicable as what was reported by this publication!” Exclaimed Coach Wagner.

Coach Plunkett responded that he could not believe that this publication would include such racy stuff.

This publication welcomes any anonymous tips, and will print them, to help find the person that actually had the audacity to say such an outlandish statement.

Well, we have a date for the end of the season party at Coach Glenn’s House on Monday, December 22, 1997. We have heard from everyone but Jennifer on RSVPs. It looks like it will be a good turnout. We have had some questions about bringing family and significant others. I hope I am not out of line by encouraging this since it will be at his house. If Coach Muske does not want anyone but the coaches I leave that for him to respond to this reporter or in his weekly distribution of the schedule.

I would like to thank Coach Glenn for graciously offering the use of his house for the party. He even invited Coach Plunkett after he made such a racket about how he could not have tied the “LOWLY Gorillas.”

Preview to the next issue:

Be here next week as we continue to uncover the unnamed coach that started a comment with "Speaking of humping the goal post. . ." and just went down hill from there.