Dateline: September 3, 1998 - AFT Vol. 2, Iss. 1

Draft, Divide & Conquer!

Rating: PG-13

HES North Wing Division Football has drawn boundaries and ready to rumble.

In a statement early yesterday morning, the commissioner established a boundary separating Coach Robertson's office and everything east of it. The coaches that find themselves located on the eastern edge of the HES building are now fighting the coaches west of them for the super bowl championship.

"I am sure glad Coach Plunkett moved further west." Commented Coach Wagner finding himself situated in the western half of the division, "But I am just wondering if there wasn't a hidden agenda separating Da Pack, La Rebels, and El Roughers."

I found it very interesting that the Commissioner decided to divide the East and West only AFTER Coach Plunkett moved. With a name like Rebels, Roughers or the Pack, wouldn't you want to distance yourself also?

The rivalry could be heard from both sides of the building as they where discussing what to call each other. Some can not be repeated without increasing the rating of this publication, but a couple included the Beasts from the East and Weenies of the West.

"WEENIES OF THE WEST!" Commented one of the coaches "Okay, I know Scott is in the west now, but he shouldn't be a reflection on the rest of the teams!!"

"How about West Wicked Witches? That better suits me because I am secure in my femininity and beauty", stated Coach Rachel, "I know I am not a witch. . . but (the night is young)!"

Coach Robertson was quick to answer," Sounds good, I am sure Coach Wagner would love to be a witch as well. It's the 90's. I'm sure he wouldn't care."

"You might just find out how much of one I can be at the end of the season! Especially if you try calling me a witch." Rebutted Coach Wagner, "I think the proper term would be warlock."

Can the Beasts (No Shows, Gorillas, and Papa's) from the East defeat the Insurrectionists of the West? Only time, injured reserve, and the almighty himself (no not Coach Wagner) can tell.

The first trade of the season has already happened, and it the Roughers weren't anywhere in site. The Rebel Rousers didn't waste much time dropping their kicker, Cary Blanchard of the Indianapolis Colts, after realizing that their Coach drafted a player that would no longer be playing.

After realizing that Coach Rachel was going to be one of those active coaches, the Commissioner commented "I just wanted to sit back and enjoy my high paying job . . .besides who knows who would pick up Blanchard (Coach Rachel did) . . .Okay . . .Okay . . . You got him (G. Anderson from Minnesota)."

Rosters are due before the first game. The Commish is not too picky as long as he "doesn't have to work too hard." The only request is that you send the Commish and your opponent the roster.

Coach Wagner began "I can't help but remember the early pioneers as they drove westward toward the wide open untamed land we called the 'Wild West'. It was seen as adventurous and an escape from the unscrupulous industries in East. All I can say is GO WEST . . .GO WEST . . .GO WEST . . .go west . . . "

. . . Time to GO HOME. Remember it is not if you win or lose, but how much spirit you show your opponents and trash you can talk. Let's Kickoff!
Jock Reporter
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