Dateline: November 9, 1999 - Vol. 3, Iss. 8

Rating: PG-13

The Pack can Win for Losin'

Coach Christine brings to a halt Plunk's Pack 7-week winning steak that started the first time Pack and the Wildcats played each other in the beginning of the season.

Even though Coach Plunkett lost this week, he put in motion at the end of week 8 a chain reaction that ended Commissioner Miguel's career, put the "Pack on the Right Track" at the top of the AFT league since week five, and also demolished the Farfegnugen's ranking in the league and maybe even Coach Kristopher's ego.

Recent Former Commissioner Miguel was suspended for inaccurate record keeping by I.M. Suen, AFT's NR-A (Not Real-Attorney). This should not be confused with NR-L (Not Real-Law), which is practice to perfection in a small rural town in NW Oklahoma. The NR-Honorable Suen stated that this action, ". . . bereaved the chances of a couple of Athlete's Football Times (AFT) Coaches of their justified and true rankings within the AFT-Fantasy Football League (FFL). . . [and]. . . this reprehensible oversight cannot and will not be tolerated."

"No deje los bastardos molerle abajo. ", angrily stated upon the suspension of now Former Commissioner Miguel by AFT's newest fan, Ms. B. Magnifica.

As you may have already guessed, Coach Plunkett of Plunk's Pack was one of the AFT Coaches that had been "bereaved." However, he won back five weeks of being #1 in the league even with his loss to the wildcats this week.

The new acting commissioner of the AFT-FFL that has been appointed is M. No, not Mr. M, just plain M. Acting Commissioner M has been in the DC area for a while now and is known for his little patience and big attitude.

"As the new big cheese in this here league, there gonna to be some changes around here!" Commented Acting Commissioner M, "We're not gonna take much more of tis here complainin'! Comprende Plunkett?"

If you remember during the last Sports News Central Broadcast, the other FORMER Commissioner Muske explained, "It is just too much to try to keep this bunch of misfits and whining team owners in line. . . " referring to the lack of leadership in the league. Acting Commissioner M may just may be the Steve Jobs of Fantasy Football.

"It's 'bout time this league appoint'd someone who had nerve 'nough to grab the bull by the...[not horns]....and put order back in this here league." Responded Acting Commish M, "Now, ya'll all ready to play some ball?! I did not hear you!"

Coach Wagner, the owner of the AFT league stated, "Who is I.M. Suen kidding? The 'embarrassment' and an 'inconvenience' that Coach Plunkett and Mamas went through can't even compare to starting the first 6 weeks at 0-6 and then tieing a former rival, Coach Christine, which contradicted one of my reasons for joining the Eastern division in the first place."

The Contradictory statement that Coach Wagner is referring to is when he stated after week one, "This will be the Season that I will beat Coach Johnson and Overshadow our tie for the 1997 AFT Championship" However, I think Coach Wagner forgot about this more embarrassing statement of week one when as he put it, "Losing the first game of the season is not too bad. . . but to lose with a score of 3 [coming from his kicker at that time from Denver, Elam]."

With all the belly aching and poking fun at Coach Wagner's Fierce Federalies, they have started a comeback ever since they beat the Papas, like they did last year, during the week of OUR birthday in week 7. Despite their heartbreaking tie to the Wildcats last week, the new underdogs of the AFT League went on to beat Coach Rachel's Rebel Rousers this week, 36-31.

Another miracle happened this week as Kev's Kowboy's finally pulled it together long enough to join both Coach Plunkett and Coach Lori in beating the Farfegnugen. The PKL Club is becoming very popular lately.

Next week Coach Lori of the Mamas have the chance to see if they can remain in the club by ONCE AGAIN (reported for the first time by AFT) beat the Farfegnugen. The Mamas are showing great promise this season by climbing the ranks to the #2 position in the league right behind the Pack. The Mamas not only beat the Papas this week, but they clobbered them 33-18 with the help of an original member who started with the Papas, Emmett Smith.

The Farfegnugen have a lot to prove in next week's game against the Mamas. The entire league, including fans, are beginning to talk about them as nothing more than a word that gets caught in the back of your throat that you cannot quite spit out. ~JockReport

~Jock Reporter (JockReport@aol.com)