Dateline: October 20, 1999 - AFT Sports Network Central

Rating: PG-13

Goode & Easly: Season for the Federalies

Announcer: Welcome Sports fans! The third consecutive year of the Athlete's Foot Times Fantasy Football is underway. To celebrate this momentous occasion AFT Sports News Central is here in Capitol City at the White House in the famous Lincoln bedroom broadcasting the first annual Federal Aid Concert to raise support for Coach Wagner's Fierce Federalies. I now take you to our eastern division reporter in the field with our current Commission Miguel.

Easly: From AFT SNC this is Bill Easly reporting from Washington, DC. The first annual Federal Aid Concert is a huge success wouldn't you say Commissioner?

Miguel: ¿Qué dijo usted?

Easly: Well, President Clinton is scheduled to make a brief appearance later this evening to show his support for the newest team in DC, the Fierce Federalies. Commissioner, what do you say we first go to our other correspondent standing by to get the word on the street?

Miguel: ¿Qué? ¿Quién el Infierno es Clinton? Ésta es una casa buena.

Easly: You might recognize him as he makes his grand appearance once again. He has been lost at sea and presumed dead while after hurricane Dennis swept though the Carolinas while he was on vacation. Do you know whom I am talking about?

Miguel: ¿Por qué sigue usted mirándome? ¡Yo no hablo inglés! Cagúese para cerebros.

Easly: Yes. . . it is him. Johnny B. Goode found this weekend roaming around downtown DC. It seems that he literally road out the storm on his surfboard all the way for the Carolina Coastline to the Chesapeake. What is the word on the street Goode and how are you doing?

Goode: I am like flying still. I road the most bitchin' wave. I have like tried to stop athe average guy on the street for a comment, but they don't even acknowledge you around here. Here let me go up to this dude on the bench. Sir, what do you think of the Federalies chance of making it to a bowl game?

Man on Bench: Ya got a quarter?

Goode: Huh, like sorry dude. I think coach Wagner is going to need all the handouts for his, like, washouts if he is looking to make it through the championships like he always does. He, like, should have stayed in the flatlands.

Easly: I think you might mean the Heartland, Goode?

Goode: Like have you ever been there lately, dude?

Dateline Quiz: What year in AFT history did the Jock Reporter get suspended for a week? (Extra Credit - What was the reason?) 1997 1998 1999

Announcer: Speaking of the Heartland, we have a live feed from Stillwater Oklahoma, home of the Kowboys and our former Commissioner. We have Former Commissioner Muske of the HES North Wing Fantasy Football who was gracious enough to come out of retirement and talk with us.

Easly: Former Commissioner Muske, what do you think of the new fantasy football season?

Muske: I think instead of going south of the border or practicing Spanish, everyone should start taking German lessons. It looks to be a long season trying to catch up to the converted soccer players.

Easly: You mean the Farfegnugens. They sure have come out strong this season. Is there another team that you are keeping track of?

Muske: We need to watch the Plunks who quietly seem to hang around the top.

Goode: Hey Commish! Did you get to read about the recent quarterback fight between the Papas and that Pack?

Muske: I heard about the arguments over a recent quarterback discussion.

Easly: Very diplomatic, former commissioner. Do you think the reason behind Coach Wagner losing season has anything to do with the greater role he has taken after his takeover of league?

Muske: It is just too much to try to keep this bunch of misfits and whining team owners in line and try to put a winning combination on the field.

Easly: You do realize that Coach Wagner is currently going through another one of his midnight, mid-season replacement phases. What piece of advice can you give him and other coaches to help him get through the rest of the season?

Muske: Have faith in your team. Say positive things about them instead of threatening them banishment into out Slobovia - who will pick them up once they are cast away from the Federalies.

Goode: I think Coach Wagner is gonna be scrambling to find some positive words to say about his team. They are like 0 and 6 for the season. The good news is they can't get any worse. ¿Commish Miguell, qué piensa usted en el Federalies?

Miguel: Ellos Hieden. La señora un poco vieja podría jugar mejor. Mire a los Rebeldes.

Goode: No kidding? Bill, your new sidekick is like totally succinct, but correct. They Stink. I just happen to have a little old lady on the street who thinks she has solution for Coach Wagner.

Señora vieja loca: With utmost superciliousness, the following is a simple, five-step, surefire formula for winning football games and will most certainly come in handy for the Failing Federalies:

1. Play football
2. Pass
3. Run
4. Score
5. Put points on the board.

No need to send effusive thanks. Your suitably humble approbation is reward enough for me.

Goode: Like it is that time again. I gotta split. This dude is like shouting in my ear to wrap it up. Surfs up, and as my Professor says, "enjoy life! "

Easly: Well, thank you Goode for that enlightening report from the streets of DC. I am glad to have you are back. You make me look good, Goode. I would like to take you live now to the Oval office at the White House as the President makes his way into the room. Mr. President, how would you describe how the Fierce Federalies are playing this season?

President: Flawed or have had unintended consequences that are posing immediate problems to some providers and beneficiaries.

Easly: What would you think if Coach Wagner could turn his team around and make it to the championship playoffs as he has done in the past?

President: The administration favors a policy that achieves this goal Easly: Well, thank you Mr. President. And thank you, Commissioner Miguel, for being here with us for the first annual Federal Aid Concert. I want to now take you to the White House lawn where the entertainment has just arrived and set up. This is Bill Easly wrapping it up in DC. For all you armchair quarterbacks out there, run one in from the 50.

Entertainment

Announcer: This has been an Athlete's Football Times special report from SNC. Stay tuned for next week as we answer the question, "Will the Federalies win one for Goode?"

~Jock Reporter (JockReport@aol.com)